A Place To Start Over or I Had A Bucket List

I have taken quit a break from life. A big broad stroke against all things that came near me. Just recently I realized it was meant to be. I had a very clear mission and purpose for years. I found joy everyday in what I was doing so well from years of practice but the odd thing is it just gave up one day. If I was honest I would admit it gave up over the course of many long days but the day I really gave up was the day I realized I had checked off the "Bucket List".

I was given notice the day my mother fell really ill. For a year after that I drowned myself in saving her. The second notice was my husband deciding to have an affair so blatant I  recreated my home life to pretend he didn't exist. For so long I just I just kept going, doing what I thought was the right thing, and then I looked at my list,

Become a waiter.... well as a child going to the Benson Hotel..... check
Live alone... at age twelve that was a dream....  done at age 15
Become a fashion designer for bands...  check, age 19
Work in the film business...... check
Wear a work of art.... check
Sell my paintings to real collectors.... check
Own an art gallery..... check
Live in Los Angeles or New York and kick ass.... check
Change a social issue (fight for something I believe in with all of my heart) .... check mate
Golf in Hawaii... done
Hang glide... done
Meet people who challenge the world's thought...... done
Travel always.... the only thing I gave up
Learn everything and be kind while I do........ uh really?
Meet a soulmate.... never really did
Have children to share everything the world has to offer.... a work in progress
Create a domestic nirvana we never had growing up.... must have been drug induced

Well that is a really short version of my list but just accept that it was done by age 31. I gave up on me after that. I had finished my goals and handed it over but guess what....

Mama has a new list


The quiet beauty is folks don't read my blog anymore.... so my children this is a funky mom thing and I love you

Wave The Banner

Slowly I reach for my felting needles and begin to gear up to reopen my fiber art business. The funny thing I notice is the world of commerce jetted on without me so I may settle into the improvements without suffering the growing pains.

Etsy has become more user friendly  and I chuckled recalling the decade long loading of a single picture years back. Now I can toss my work up with only a moment to spare.

The biggest thrill was discovering I can make a banner on my power point program on my cute little Mac laptop. It is a bit wobbly due to the time it took me to figure it out and the time allotted for the procedure but I look forward to improving my skills and providing an new banner as the seasons change.

My studio space is filling with tufts of wandering roving and the baskets are filling with treasure.

The Last Hour

My sister has asked a favor from me,

Ten wishes for the new moon.

She was given an outline to follow. I have until midnight. So ...I have been thinking all night.While I ponder I am  cleaning and changing every corner of my life, focused on the things that effect me right now.

I stop and realize I have the rest of my life to worry about now, I am grateful she is by my side for the traveling that will follow.

The first wish she gave to me,

1. I wish for the health , Wealth , and happiness of my family and friends.

2. I wish for the power to forgive

3. I wish for my children to find a true path

4. I wish for my path to be followed

5. I wish to be true to myself and others

6. I wish that every choice I make will be with intent and not from false hope or fear

7. I wish I will find a path that brings me money to support my children without relying on my ex husband

8. I wish I will enjoy the company of others again and not be focused on my life

9. I wish to keep my home

10. I wish health, happiness and wealth for the world

The Single Mom's Guide To Sleeping In

For the last thirteen years sleeping was just a fantasy. Something drunk college students were allowed to do with abandon but mom's were held to strict guidelines in my world. If I happened to sleep in the children would certainly perish from lack of nutrition and guidance. It also happens that every team, class and outing starts promptly at 9:30 am Saturday morning. After all in order to be an upstanding member of our great society we must maintain a healthy schedule full of activity and lacking rest.

At some point in your life you may find yourself alone for the weekend practicing "visitation" with dad. You have finally been awarded your rite to sleep in!

First you must stay up late, really late, otherwise your internal clock will think you are joking. To stay awake I suggest you do something you love. For me it is painting and reading and bugging old friends on the phone. I notice I tend to report my progress on Facebook as if the would needed to know I was sitting on the floor playing with old paint.

No need to follow my lead it could be things I don't enjoy so much like knitting or auto mechanics. One thing I would discourage is Farmville, although I have never played it myself I hear some folks become addicted and play for up to ten hours at a time. This will defeat the purpose of actually getting the sleep you need for "in" part. I have also received threats that if I don't tend to some random person's produce I will be responsible for a world food crisis. This does not lend itself to the peaceful nature of this process.

Under no circumstance should you cook or clean. This can lead to night terrors and you may find yourself wide awake at 4 am unable to drift back to sleep because you forgot to unload the dish washer or turn off the iron.

In my case I have dogs who tend to wake me up around 5 am. The solution for me is lock them downstairs with that old baby gate. They will protest but this is where the Benydril (for the dogs) and  headphones (for you) come in. After a short while your dogs will be so drugged they can't bark. To hell with PETA they don't have dark circle under their eyes.

You will wake up at random times worried about the children. To solve this issue I post notes telling me     "the children are not home go back to sleep you idiot"

The last element for success is the alarm clock. Yes, I know what you are thinking, why on earth an alarm clock when the purpose is to sleep with wild abandon? Well, your internal clock will keep waking up to check the time. You want to sleep in not sleep all day, that would be just too Jerry Springer. So I want to at least sleep until 9 am but  past 11:30. So I set my clock for 12. That way it only annoys me in the case of an over sleep emergency. 

To top off your victory I highly recommend coffee in bed.

I Will not Be Defeated!

There are some things we learn in our young adult years that translate in to our settled adult years. For me today it was poverty. Before and during college I would often find myself with near empty cupboards. Independence has a price which doesn't always have a happy marriage with the price of food. I would sift through the random ingredients I had on hand and create dishes palatable enough for me to welcome guests or at least stave off hunger.

Today my day was carefully planned and very full. Part of the plan was to venture out into food land and restock but just around dinner time I found myself rooting around my kitchen for the "I didn't get to the store dinner". This is not the same situation as years past because I have the makings for a lame "sorry family we can cook together another day" dinner. I really needed to have a family dinner complete with the team helping so I quickly assessed and this is what I came up with.

While the frozen fat pork chops were thawing (got them on sale for $2.43 and quickly forgot I froze them) I chopped up the almost ready to toss veggies I found and sautéed the liquid off. The day old half baguette was toasted as bread crumbs, seasoned and tossed with the veggies. They looked a wee bit dry so butter and that left over chicken stock was added to the mix.

The pork chops thawed quickly and were browned, split and stuffed. So I tossed them in the oven and steamed the last of the carrots which were lightly seasoned. OK, a grain, veggies and protein.

30 minutes from start to finish and dinner was ready. While the kids set the table I grabbed a sauce pan to which I added butter, brown sugar, vanilla, frozen peaches from my smoothie stash and orange juice. I left it over low heat while we ate.

Dinner was a success and Stella noted it was so delicious! While we did the dishes we brought the peach sauce to a boil for a reduction and toasted up some angel food cake. My kids have never had this kind of cake and I am not sure why I brought it into the house. Redemption perhaps? By the time the dishes were done the sauce and cake was ready. The kids cleaned their plates.

The entire meal for four people cost me around around $4.30 max. It was nice to use the skills I had learned when I was in a culinary pinch.

Just a Thought...

Today I had a random day of bliss.

I noticed a few things that before were just feelings. You know how you just have a gut response to life? Today gave me words for the feelings I have. A quickly gathered group of friends gave me a peaceful outlook.

If you just let children BE they are surprisingly good at it.

So often we try and control everything about our children. We manage their social lives, food, language and learning. What if we live in a way we believe and allow them the freedom to explore stuff that makes us uncomfortable? I have learned they will always most likely go back to what is right in their family culture if we are true to ourselves.

What if we don't stage photo opportunities for future advertisements about how well we are doing as parents? What if we allow them to create and don't label every project as beautiful. The process is the learning and growth. I did take many photos today. I wanted to post them on flikr for my friends who attended. I studied the whole day as a teacher. Looking back I am so impressed with our children. I am so impressed with us as families. We had no expectations for perfection. We didn't need to impress each other. The outcome was startling.... the kids were engaged and gentle with each other. The parents were relaxed and had so much fun.

Wow, that is hard. It is hard because we are always judged. I wonder who is judging? Usually I find the parent or educator that is so quick to offer advice in a negative fashion has a mess in their own den. As a teacher it is hard to admit weakness but once you do you serve the student because you are open to learning.

Today we all just allowed it to happen. I didn't hear one parent direct a child on which piece of pottery to pick or how to paint it. We didn't have to prove ourselves worthy of our posts so it was relaxed. The children responded with a free joy and I didn't hear one moment of redirection.

Today I saw a peaceful harmonious gathering. We could have picked up on cues from others advice from the past and judged each of us but I found we were all relaxed and enjoying the freedom to just BE.


So the bottom line for me is just let folks be..... kind to each other.. and know we will all be good at what we do.

At Least I can Depend On Some Thingss

My kids are full of surprises. Some are magical and some just, well.......

There are some things I can depend on but wonder why I have to. Today one habit my son has is on my mind.

Why is it empty food containers make it back to the refrigerator with a religious zeal and yet half full are left out to go bad?

Mama does having a baby hurt?

Conversation about birth with my seven year old,

"Mama does having a baby hurt?"

"Well yes but in a different way"

"Do you bleed?"

"Nope not really,"

"How come, I mean a giant baby is getting out of you"

"Well your body stretches out and pops back after. * I left out the sagging skin, hemorrhoids and well the getting used to the new breasts*

" Do boys have that super power?"

" No sweetie they don't have that super power. Only mamas have that super power."

....and why I need a cupcake

In my mind every time life serves up a challenge a perfect cupcake should be delivered to my door via the "Sorry That Is Life Club". Of course I know life is full of joy and sorrow but I find a perfect cupcake is just the thing to pause it all. You can't argue with a cupcake. Its full intention is to bring joy. There is no burden of care or maintenance and even if you don't like to eat cupcakes you can admire the perfection of something so tempting to many. You can throw it away after a brief moment of admiration without guilt.

I have been a member of that club for awhile and have yet to get my cupcake. That is OK with me. I love my life but sometimes I question my qualifications. So tonight maybe I will break out an old family cookbook and make some cupcakes.

Three Cheers For Grasshopper!

Yesterday we found the coolest toy store in North Portland. Grasshopper is packed with so much goodness my kids could have spent the whole day there.

My 12 year old son was swept into the art books and tried his best to convince me to purchase some "for my work", nice try buddy maybe next time.

They also have clothes and I wish they were in my size. I highly recommend folks check out this store or hop on over to their web store!

Feliz Dia De Mama

Today was a blissed out mama day. I got a pet snail and card from my seven year old daughter. This is what the card said,

Feliz Dia De Mama

Tu es mi mama. Tu es la mama del mundo. Tu es mi sol cuando yo es frio. Cuando solo es blanco y negro tu da me colores. Cuando mi corason se roto tu lo pego hunto. Cuando yo no es bonita tu cambiar yo y despaes yo es bonita tu cambiar yo y despues yo es bonita. Y por eso estas flores estan para y ti.

Nice.

We went to Cirque Du Soleil, which is fun because not only is it an awesome show but I don't have to interpret much for my son. Instead my hand is free to hold his when I get scared a preformer will fall.

We had a great family day, it is bliss to be so loved.

Got a Quarter?

Stelly: "Mom, what time is it?"

Me " A quarter to four"

Stella "If I give you a quarter will it be four?"

I love kids, they bring us back to the intent and purpose of life.

Stelly

Stelly
Originally uploaded by haddy2dogs

Self portrait

Short but so cute

I heard one of my three year old students say this and it is worth mention

"Get your fingers out of my world"

I am on the phone......

Why does my sweet husband set himself up for telephone failure? we rarely acknowledge that we have a phone let alone use it, so when we do it is for something really important. Pay a bill important, sick relative important. So why is it my sweet hubby always picks up the phone and dials .....while I am doing the dishes which happens to be the nosiest activity in our home. The other line is ringing and he is waving his hand at me as if I were a fly to be swatted gesturing that he is on the phone. Of course I know he is on the phone. I continue because I am aware that modern phones, unlike their predecessors are mobile. The dishwasher has yet to evolve to this state of service. Rather than simply walking away with the phone to a quiet place he insists on trying to quell the cacophony of household chores.

I hate phones. I don't find myself needing to hear someones voice through a piece of plastic. Yes I am a grump about this. It happens in my home that the phone always rings at the worst time. The minute I answer the phone the pot of soup will boil over or the fire place will smoke up the house causing the fire alarm to go off. Maybe the phone will trigger my son to spill milk on my computer or encourage my dog to vomit on the rug. I believe the phone does this to me because it knows I hate it.

So if you really want to talk to me and value the quality of our exchange shoot me an email .

On another topic,

I will be teaching a needle felting workshop on February 13th at the Serendipity School House

Time: 10-12

Cost: $28

It it always a fun class I have 5 spots left. Contact me for details if you wish to join.

haddy2dogs@yahoo.com

Merry Christmas

So what a lovely holiday. The last day of School Stella was going to preform in the Christmas sing a long. I was able to get off early to watch. It was so cute they whole first grade sang Rudolph first in Spanish then in English. I had my fancy new camera charged up and I got video of the whole thing. After the performance the parents could go to the class to pick up their child. I realized at that moment I had been so busy with filling orders I had forgotten the teacher gift! I ran to the class and signed to Stella that I would be right back. There is a new coffee house around the corner. They have gift certificates a fresh roasted coffee. Perfect. That's how my life rolls. There is always something right around the corner to save the day.

I returned back to the school just in time. Yes, just in time to witness the treats of the day explode from a poor little girl all over her clothes and reindeer hat. The teacher was trapped and couldn't leave the class so I guided her to the restroom to clean up. I set down my camera and purse and washed up her sweet little face and hands. She just made it to the bus in time. We dashed back to leave the gift and drop certificates with the Secretaries who are a constant blessing to me.

We then dashed over to pick up Haddy. I could feel the excitement in the air as we walked up to the school. Then I saw my son. He was shooting Silly String all over his friends. Everyone was laughing and running from him. Silly String coated the area. Great, who's gonna clean that up? Oh , well. He is so excited to tell me that at the White Elephant party he got Silly String and a Chia Pet. " Mom did you know these are handmade?" referring to the pet. Hmmm wonder if I could find them on Etsy.

I was feeling rather content and relaxed after a very good selling season so I offered up "anything goes dinner" . At the store the kids pick fresh crab and string beans. That night I prepared our feast and waited for my husband to come home. The kids were famished so I decided to let them start since my hubby was moments away from joining us. The phone rang and I left the room to answer. When I returned a few minutes later I was shocked to see my darling children plowing through the crab like termites. My husband came home to one leg I was able to rescue from the rampage. Note to self, next time buy more crab.

That night I decided to download the video of the reindeer extravaganza. I realized after extensive searching I had lost my new camera. Somewhere between the coffee shop, puking and silly string my camera had taken a hike.

Christmas Eve is huge for our family. It is the one time every year all of my husband's family commit to gather. They are a really fun group so we all have a good time. I was bummed about the camera but my mother in law brought hers so no worries. We decided to carpool to the party because my husband and I wanted to join in the festivities and we don't drink and drive. We met the in laws at the hotel and left our car there for the night. They would deliver us home safe and sound.

The evening was delightful as always. The camera batteries died after about 30 minutes. The best part was my sister's new boyfriend taught my son to play guitar, awesome. He also happens to be a chef so for the first time in about 12 years I didn't have to cook.

I now know why sugar plums should remain dancing in one's head. Someone had found some at a fair and was excited to share. Not so yummy but there was a heaping pile of fried oysters to redirect our palettes.

As the night came to a close we piled into the car for the ride home. Everyone was content and a wee bit drowsy. At home we settled the kids which was no easy task and got started getting ready for Santa. There was one hitch, I had been hiding all of the presents in the trunk of my car. My husband had to take a cab back to the hotel to fetch them. He returned disappointed because there were not that many. Well I had hid the bulk of them in reusable shopping bags way in the back and he didn't see them. Oh well.

The next day we were off to my mother's house. She had ordered a fancy prime rib dinner from Whole Foods, again yummy. The only problem is her oven wasn't working so well. I ended up hacking the roast apart to speed the process up. The kids were famished, go figure, so while we waited we had a salad course. Of course by the time the roast was ready they were full. Oh well. Grandma gave them each $50 gift certificates. The trick would be to make sure we didn't end up at Target or a game store.

On the way home my husband needed to stop at a store for something. It was a kinda creepy area so I locked the door from the inside. When he came back I unlocked the door and he opened it. The alarm went of. Really loud. We were flipping switches and starting the car to try and turn it off. Nothing worked and it was so loud we couldn't think. People started to come outside to stare at us. They didn't worry about theft they were just enjoying the show. My son kept trying to tell us he could help but we didn't pay attention. Somehow my hubby thought we needed to drive home with it blaring and get the set of keys with the remote buttons. As he backed out my son insisted we stop. He calmly got out of the car and asked for the keys. He then asked me to lock the doors again. He inserted the key into the drivers side door and .....silence. Duh, leave it to the Deaf kid.

So of course the kids wanted to shop yesterday. First we went to lunch at the Grilled Cheese Grill. It is a food cart in North Portland. They have a painted bus that you eat in. Nothing better than a grilled brie and pepper sandwich on a windy day. Greasy comfort food heaven. After that we went to the art supply store so the kids could shop. Haddy was holding a box of colored pencils. I ask why he already had a ton of good quality pencils. "Oh sorry mom I have a case of art fever".

So now I have one more day to relax then it is back to stocking my shop. What a great holiday it was. I hope you all enjoyed this joyous time.

Fairy Potion

I love my job working at a Waldorf inspired preschool. I don't have to work with charts , manipulatives, plastic figures or flashing lights. Instead I get to create stories, use beautiful art supplies and watch the children use their imaginations.

Right now there is a fear that the whole city will get a nasty virus which will threaten our existence. Teacher Johanna did some research and found a natural hand sanitizer formula we could safely use at home and school. We call it Magic Fairy Potion. For project last week this is what we made.

I sat with the children to explain.

"At school do we share?"

"Yes"

"Did you know there are some things we don't share?"

A look of confusion

"Sometimes we get sick. Sometimes we have fevers, stuffy noses or coughs. Do we want to share that?"

So it goes on like that for a few minutes then I deliver the magic,

"Last night the teachers wrote a note to the fairies asking for help. They left us some magic potion but we needed to mix it ourselves."

The children are partnered up, an older child with a younger child. They take turns dropping water into small spray bottles. They learn how to squeeze the dropper and let go in their bottle. They fill it 3/4 full then come to the teacher to receive the magic ingredients the fairies left. Ten drops of each is added. They shake their bottles then go to play. While they are playing a teachers fill the bottles with a bit of rubbing alcohol. They have hand sanitizer to take home.

Materials

Small spritzer bottle

Water

Peppermint oil

Aura Carcia Medevil Mix

Rubbing Alcohol

Well as it turns out there is no magic potion at my son's school. Both kids are home sick. So since I am stuck at home I think I will check out the Natrualkids Store and do a little Christmas shopping. There are a ton of Etsy shops there if you click on team member info you get a whole list.

Naturalkids Store

One cup of coffee

So tomorrow my family is going to join a good friend Layla with type 1 diabetes, age 6 on a walk to raise money to cure diabetes. Her mamma is an Etsy friend and the best mom I know. I am just tossing it out there that maybe you have $5.00 or $1.00 you can donate to help find a cure. If you can spare the cost of one cup of coffee that would be grand, it all adds up. I know I worry every day about my kids and they don't have any life threatening diseases. Here is my 6 year old's donation page to help her friend,

http://www.walk.jdrf.org/index.cfm?fuseaction=extranet.personalpage&confirmid=87517597

and here is a letter from a friend who has a daughter with this dreadful disease

Imagine you're 4, or 3, or even younger, and you are diagnosed with Type-1 diabetes.

You're likely too young to know what's happening to you, but onset of this disease is rarely forgiving. The two big symptoms, unquenchable thirst and uncontrollable urination, appear, growing in intensity each day as your blood starts to become more and more acidic. Your parents won't have any idea, because they'll think your wetting the bed is a *result* of the constant drinking and tell you to drink less.

The diagnosis usually occurs when blood glucose (BG) and ketone levels are so high that you present symptoms of a bad cold, or the flu, and the doctor sends you to the ER - because you are way too sick to get out of this unassisted. By this time your BG may be 500 mg/dL or higher - normal is closer to 100 - and you'll need a night or two hooked up to an insulin IV to get it back to normal. You have no choice because your body no longer makes insulin, or no longer makes enough of it to matter.

That's bad. But there's more.

You NEED insulin. Eat without it (and eating is quite important no matter your age), and you'll just end back up in the ER again, likely within a day. Insulin isn't particularly effective when inhaled or ingested. It must be released into your bloodstream, just as it would if your pancreas were working properly. That means injections. Needles. Shots. You may not yet know how to read, or ride a bike, or jump rope, but you will know all about getting poked by tiny, sharp objects. Several times a day. Without those BG checks and injections, you'll die.

Imagine that this is your new reality. That's *really* bad.

Imagine you've gotten used to that routine for several years. As much as you can, at least. But - you guessed it - there's more.

Imagine you're sick, as Caitlynn is right now. Fever, vomiting, no appetite. Your body starts making ketones again - a normal part of fighting your illness - but to remove them, you need more insulin. Since you're not eating, that extra insulin also makes you hypoglycemic. You tiptoe that thin line for as long as you can't eat or keep anything down. BG constantly swinging too high or too low; there really isn't much in-between on sick days.

Now imagine looking into your parents' eyes, hoping they'll be able to fix it as they do other things, but the look they give you back lets you know that they are just as helpless as you. Now you, the child, know that all you can do is be strong, because this is your battle and no one else can fight it.

That just sucks.

Imagine the realization that this is your life, because Type-1 diabetes has no cure. Yet.

Now, imagine a cure, and making this a story no kid ever has to know.

Yes I am a Waldorf Birthday Clown

I have a party booked on Saturday for a darling child. You see I am the alternative party entertainer. I don't wear big red shoes but I have an apron with tons of pockets that hold treasures that don't end up in landfills. I don't make balloon animals but teach the kiddos how to needle felt there own creations. I tell stories and play games and I don't wear a costume. My husband jokes that I am a Waldorf party clown.

I started offering this service when I ventured out to find something for my own kid's birthdays. I wanted to entertain a group of kids without flashing lights and plastic party favors. In our area there isn't the Waldorf version of the Princess Party Palace so I decided to do it myself.

This Saturday each child will create a tapestry for their home gnomes. They will go home with a felting kit and a wee snail. Their pockets will be filled with crystals and acorn caps. Their mama's will not feel guilt and their trash will not be heavier

I Love Custom Orders

Every time I get a custom order I get excited. The deal is a person has an idea and during the course of the order I can create something just for them and in the process I usually stretch myself and find a direction for my work. The last such order was an ethnic nativity. There is also a good feeling I get when I ship out something so personal.

Often after a custom I will continue with that theme in other work. I owe my customers gratitude for all of the inspiration they offer me.